Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Dame Caroline Escapes Scruffy Scribblers' Scrum in Syracuse

Caroline Kennedy Meets With Syracuse Mayor Matt Driscoll

My lady of Camelot, I know I speak for all respectable persons residing in the outer provinces when I say how deeply shocked we are by the offensive manner in which your ladyship was received by that pack of louts who badgered you with impertinent questions during your progress through those parts. I hope you will not think me too bold if I say that such wretches -- my goodness, not one of them had the self-respect to wear a decent suit of clothes -- should learn how to behave in the company of their betters. Your exceptional grace and bearing were at all times on display throughout this trial, a testament to the greatness of your noble family.

That big ruffian, the one with the loud voice who fairly shouted at your ladyship, particularly ought to get a good thrashing, and many's the decent stout fellow, I'm sure, even in the outer provinces, would be delighted to give the villain what for, if you don't mind my saying, my lady.

I know I am probably speaking out of turn, my lady, but rest assured that the common folk -- the decent, respectable common folk -- are not the least interested in prying into your ladyship's opinions about the economy, taxes, the environment, health care, wars and all such matters of state, which are properly none of our business. Those are matters for your ladyship to concern herself with. I feel bound to say that the good citizens of this fair realm feel a deep bond of loyaty to your ladyship and trust implicitly that these great affairs will be in capable hands.

I'm especially taken aback at the inquisitiveness of those low persons about your views on the various local farming and industrial affairs of the outer provinces. Surely no great personage such as your ladyship can be expected to be mistress of all such folderol.

Thank you so much, my lady, for enduring so much on our behalf with your usual grace and bearing. Whenever you plan another progress through such remote and rustic settlements as Utica, Watertown and, heaven help us, Horseheads, please don't hesitate to call upon me, your humble servant.

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